Just One
by Katrina in Starlight
Summary: The devil searches for a light in the darkness. Inspired by Meredith's sonnet, Ninth Gate and Et Nox Fecta Est. Dark, disturbing and schizophrenic. Not for the sane.


A/N: So, here, I've posted it. The poem/main inspiration for this is right below this, although it was also influenced by Ninth Gate and Et nox facta est. And, just so you know, it's so weird I was scared just writing it. It's schizophrenic and demonic and generally scary. Good luck.

Lucifer in Starlight

On a starred night Prince Lucifer uprose.  
Tired of his dark dominion swung the fiend  
Above the rolling ball in cloud part screened,  
Where sinners hugged their specter of repose.  
Poor prey to his hot fit of pride were those.  
And now upon his western wing he leaned,  
Now his huge bulk o'er Afric's sands careened,  
Now the black planet shadowed Arctic snows.  
Soaring through wider zones that pricked his scars  
With memory of the old revolt from Awe,  
He reached a middle height, and at the stars,  
Which are the brain of heaven, he looked, and sank.  
Around the ancient track marched, rank on rank,  
The army of unalterable law.  
By George Meredith (1828-1909) 

_Oh, God, please! Just a star, just one!_

He woke to screams. He woke to his _own_ screams.

Around him was nothing. No light, no noise, no warmth. Only darkness. Endlessly he'd wandered, expecting light to glimmer from just around the next turn he made.

But there was nothing.

Somewhere, he told himself, somewhere there are stars. Even for the Prince of Darkness there must be light.

_When there is dark, there must be light, or we would not see that all is black. God, I will keep my nothing, but let me see what made me!_

Noise struck him but there was nothing. Nothing but him. Was the sound his? Was the voice of nothing the voice of its dark lord?

_Yes, I am nothing._

It was forbidden, he knew. Forbidden for him to know another voice, see another sun, face another day. He had chosen darkness, and that was what he had. It was his kingdom and he was his own jailer. But he would escape his cage.

It is forbidden to forbid.

_Nothing is forbidden._

Then I will not be nothing.

He didn't know where he was, which way was up or which was down. He couldn't be sure he even _was_. But out he would get, even if he had to claw his way to the top. Claw his way to the world.

_You call to god, _the nothing taunted. _You call to a being you will not serve and beg it to help you from your grave. But I am you, and you will not be helped._

You are not me. I am myself. A name is attached to me. And that is not nothing.

_You will see,_ he heard, as he fought his way through the penetrating dark. He grappled with it pulling it away in silky strands. For eternity he wrestled with his night, but sometime he had to come to his point of light. Somewhere was his star. He could not be all dark.

_You will see._

Something glowed above. Glowed Light existed.

The moon slid a pale ray of liquid silver to him from between the clouds before the sky jealously closed it in again.

Above him, the stars must swirl, he knew, but they were not yet his to know by name.

Strong, paper-thin wings unfurled behind him, seeming to beg to carry him through the clouds. But not here. Here, life was too real; too many shadows lurked in the hearts of men. He felt almost welcome there in the night. Besides, the stars that he wanted most to see were far to the southwest.

He would fly there, beneath the vengeful clouds, content to feel the blending of souls beneath him. That was what he had wanted for the world, to let a little shadow into the hearts of men. The only thing better would be a star. _His_ star.

_You will see._

Get away from me. I wont be nothing.

The sea slipped away beneath his outspread wings. It seemed but a heartbeat more before Africa did the same. Southward he turned, refusing to look skyward yet, though a soft shimmering of light seemed to call to him.

Not yet, he told them, not yet.

_Wait and see_.

I will see my star.

Far below danced freezing ice crystals. They glittered and spun and twinkled until they, too, seemed to long to make him look to the heavens for his loving speck of good in all the bad.

But in this he would be virtuous. Temptation would not pull him in.

His mind though…that was not as easy to escape. And the nothing was relentless in its chase.

_Remember the last time you were here?_

Yes. Look, just there is where I fell…and there, I lay there as darkness closed my eyes…that hill was younger then, it served as my pillow…

_And your precious light?_

There. It was there above me.

Silence boomed around him like a great orchestra as he settled into place on the huge ice mound, halfway to the stars. The cold bit into him but he folded his large wings around himself like a well-tailored cloak, rejoicing in the play of hot a cold. There was no nothing anymore.

He felt a trill of excitement race through his veins. Now he would look.

_You will see. It will be nothing._

What?

_You saw it flicker. Light is weak. Yours is gone._

No…I had fallen…there was cloud…

_Look._

The others were circling above me…their wings…I…my light is strong…it was their shadows…

_They have no shadow. You are shadow._

I fell…I couldn't see…

_Look._

He raised his head to the sky, eyes searching despritly. It was there; it had to be there…

Nothing. Nothing and everything. The stars nearly blinded him, the soul of heaven shinning down. But his tiny corner of the sky, his entire world, was empty. It was gone.

A scream ripped through him as he charged the sky in a rage. That was no soul he saw, the stars of heaven were a brain, cold and calculating. There was no compassion in the sky.

Up he hurdled, but all too soon his wings crumpled around him. Above him he could see them, those cold glowing forms, as they marched purposefully around their domain. They shone painfully, their shimmer seemingly worse than their well-honed blades or their well-burnished shields.

Down he plummeted, air roaring silently in his ears. At last the freezing water closed around him, but still he went down. And then he was back in his own realm.

_There is no dark in light. They have separated._

Then there will be no light in the dark.

_I am you. Now you see._

You are me. But I am not nothing. I am the darkness against the light.

_There can be none. Light reveals all._

No, there is no light for me. I will come to the light and drive it out. I will seep through the chinks in its armor. I will win.

_Then I was right. You are nothing. Nothing will prevail. We are one._

I am Lucifer.


End file.
